We all know to look out for the typical drugs that could get our youth into trouble. Pot, Cocaine, meth, crack, pcp, heroine, nutmeg.
That's right, your friends, family, maybe even your dog are getting high with this over the counter drug. Once thought to be a tasty addition to holiday baked goods, and something to top your eggnog with, it has now been revealed that nutmeg is the new panic inducing every day object for the year.
Apparently, ingesting large quantities of nutmeg can lead to visions, similar acid. But unlike other hallucinogenics, nutmeg has other parts of its high that draw teens. Other side effects include, but are not limited to: Nausea, dizziness, vomiting, internal bleeding, intense headaches, limb pain, heart attack, stroke, and death.
Clearly, this is the drug of the year.
And local news stations all over the country have been latching onto nutmeg, praying that this inciteful investigative report will get them that emmy, or mover them up to the big leagues, the network news.
Their line of thinking must go something like this:
"Hmmm, Chris Matthews has "To Catch a Predator", I'll have to "To Catch a baker!""
I can see it now. I'll have my eggnog in a cart and walk into the spice aisle. Finding the nutmeg I need, I'll put into my cart. And then, I'll hear, "Why don't you have a seat right over there."
Then he'll break out the transcripts:
Now Phil, I'm going to read some of what you said to Friend21
"Come over we'll have some eggnog and watch some football."
"You bring the chips, I'll get the eggnog"
"Fine, I'll get some nutmeg to put on it"
Faced with these facts, I'll be too embarasses to say, and run out of the bakery aisle, only to be tackled by the baking police.
So parents, Hide your kids, hide your wives, they're snorting nutmeg up in here.
And when you get the chance, pass the poultry seasoning.