The musings of a former office worker stuck in his house applying for jobs, when he would rather be out on the water.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Cleaning and Daytime TV

So I've been cleaning my room the past few days. Really cleaning. And it really needed it. Consequently, as I've cleaned, I've also discovered just how trashy daytime TV was. I'm sure you are all aware of just how terrible these shows are, but I've discovered that each one likes to exploit a different kind of person. Some like the poor, some like downright illiterate, and some like the scummy. Here are my views on each of these shows.

1. Maury Povich

Maury likes to act like he is better than all those other shows. He is above all that drivel that they put on air, they are beneath Maury Povich. Maury is different because he cares. But he doesn't. He just has a nicer looking set and doesn't encourage beating on other guests. Today's topic was, and I quote, "7 Men to Test, Who is the Father?" Total garbage to be sure, but also probably the cream of the crop when it comes to daytime drivel.
Scummy level: 4

2. Cheaters

This show also tries to make itself out to be better than what it really is. It's real goal is to get couples into fights in public so they can film them from impossible angles. But it tries to come off as a show that really cares about the people who are on it. Yea, ok. They follow people around for days, confront them dressed in all black, and speak in low tones, because of course it is disrespectful to yell when you are in the process of watching a break up.
Scummy Level: 6

3. Every judge show ever

These shows are great. People agree to have their small claims court cases heard on TV, get way too for any court room in the real legal system. Then they have their cases discussed, get made fun of by the judge for a little while, and then leave, with both parties involved still angry and upset over the judges decisions. These shows are great, and also probably the least trashy. They also have the least content, and are boring, because every single case is exactly the same, 2 loud people yelling about something stupid.
Scummy Level: 2

4. Jerry Springer

The undisputed King of daytime TV. I've never seen anything like this show, and god willing, I never will again. This show is the epitome of terrible. Horribly uneducated people get up on stage, take off all their clothes, and fight about cheating on each other. Usually in terrible ways. It's something you should never see, and should never have crawled out from under the rock it was hiding under. And now that it is out, it's big disgusting, and you can't kill it.
Scummy Level: My god, who cares, this is real garbage. 10

In conclusion, I wouldn't watch any of these. Turn on some music. It's what I had to do to keep myself sane. But if you do turn on the TV, and are tempted to see if I'm right? Go with Judge Joe Brown, he clearly has the best name.


  1. This post screams "HELLO I AM UNEMPLOYED!!!" However, I am impressed by your analysis of these fine shows. I would agree that the court shows are the best, but Judge Joe Brown? Come on. Judge Alex is way more entertaining! Although my personal favorite has got to be a tie between Judge Christina Perez, of "Chrstina's Court," and Judge Marilyn Milian, of "People's Court."

  2. I can never get into the judge shows, but I LOVE Maury Povich. It should be on the comedy channel. My favorite episodes are the reunion/makeover shows. Example: You knew this dorky boy in high school. Now let's bring him out! (and then its a female stripper) haha

  3. weird, i always thought springer & cheatesr were nighttime shows

  4. They don't call it unemployment theater for nothing.

  5. Let me be real with you:

    I watch numbers 1 and 2 with regularity, and went to a live taping of number 4, and enjoyed the hell out of it.

  6. I don't think people's bad relationships should be showcased. And if it's scripted, which there's a chance it is (although let's be honest, who would write a script that bad on purpose?), then they shouldn't present it as reality.