In Case of Zombies

BREAK GLASS!!


I've noticed an odd trend lately. Sure there are plenty of crazy things society has obsessed over as harbingers of the end times. Immigrants, nuclear weapons, war, chemical weapons, terrorism. But that is not what obsesses my generation. My generation does not have a fallout shelter. We don't keep disaster supplies.

We keep zombie apocalypse kits.

I'm as guilty as the next person. How would you defend your house? Where would you get your weapons? Who would you trun away from your shelter and who would you let in? Would they be old school shambling zombies, or new school fast zombies? All these questions and more run through our heads.

Some of us, myself included, have even gone so far as to train for zombie attacks. A game, Humans vs Zombies, has swept college campuses across the country. Humans, armed with nerf guns, balled up socks, and marshmallows, try to fight off attacking zombies. And let me tell you, it is a blast. And vital to our survival as a species.


The game is a blast, but its intentions are more important. To train otherwise weak, and tactically unsound college students in the subtle art of zombie warfare. When to charge and take them down. When to cut your losses and run. And how to go down fighting.

I guess my point here is that every generation has something that scares it, that makes it prepare for the worst. Generations before us have had nazis, communists, fascists, and all other manner of horrible and very real enemies to deal with. But for us? We picked zombies.

Maybe the old guys are right.

Kids these days.

No respect.

Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving

And all through the bar
not a creature or person remained in their car.
The coats were hung by the door with car,
In hopes that at last call they would still be there.

The old men with hats sitting on their heads
were looking curiously at that one guy with dreds
And A in her northface, and I in my hoodie
were just settled in for a long night making merry

When out on the bar their arose such a clatter
The barmen jumped up, and yelled, "What the hell is the matter?"
Away to the booth i flew like a flash
sat down and muttered, that guy is an ass.

The moon on the shards of new broken glass
Some guy was about to get thrown out on his ass
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
but a big shiny new glass of beer!

The friendly barman, with a tap so quick
I knew his name was Dan, but I called him St. Nick
More rapid than an eagle, the beer it came
As he whistled, shouted, and called them by name!

On Coors! On Miller! On Yuengling and Bud!
On Sierra Nevada, Yards, and that one that tastes like mud!
On top of a stool, right next to the bar
Now drink em one, drink em all!

As leaves before the hurricane flies
Those beers disappeared right before my eyes
Into the hand so strangers and friends
all the beers met delicious ends

And now I'm out of rhymes and reasons
To continue this poem about two seasons
So Happy Thanksgiving And Christmas and remember to stop
when you see the lights flashing from that angry cop.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!! Have a happy and safe holiday!! And eat lots of turkey, and drink lots of beer.

Turkey Bowl

I know what you're thinking. What can google come up with for Turkey Bowl? And do i ever disappoint when it comes to a google image search?

The answer is no, I never disappoint. and this trophy may be the best trophy i have ever seen when I searched for Turkey Bowl on the internet. Go ahead, just try to beat it.

I have two turkey bowl games to go to this year. One is an old group of friends from high school, my friends from marching band. Here is what we look like playing football.

We're those people getting stomped on by that guy with a jersey. We wear jerseys ourselves, some of us have gloves, it usually rains, we get muddy, and all around just have a blast. I believe this is the 5th or 6th year for the turkey bowl, founded by Ian P. Carr. His home hosted us for breakfast, and the park near his house hosted our game. It was a great way to start off thanksgiving, running around, getting muddy, and hoping no one broke a bone.(No one ever did)

Now I have a Black Friday Turkey bowl game too. I'm not sure what this will be like. Maybe this:

But I sure hope not. I think it will be very much like the game on Thanksgiving. A lot of uncoordinated guys running around, praying they don't break a bone. I'll be one of them. Because as much as i love my football, and running around, and tackling people, I've been on the end of one of those bone crunching hits. The ones that require a hospital visit, surgery, and a couple of months of physical therapy.



Never again.

Job Interview

I had a job interview today, which is why I am posting after lunch, I was a little nervous this morning and I forgot to post the blog I had prepared. But, since you are reading my blog, I'll assume you want to know how things went. Well, let me tell you.

Interviewer: "Hi Phil. How are things today? Ready for the interview?"

Phil: "Of course I am, I have on my finest threads, I've got my finest answers prepared for your finest questions, and I am here to impress."

Interviewer: "You're hired!!"

Alright so maybe they didn't say i was hired. But i was dressed in my finest threads.
(Google's interpretation of finest threads not mine)

And I did answer their questions, and I looked good and sounded good doing it.

Sort of like the above. Except I have a buzz cut. And my interviewers were businessmen, not a bunch of hippies.

But you get the idea.

Anyway, I'll keep all of my faithful readers, all 1,000,000 of you(or maybe its really 20 a day, who's counting?) updated with news as I get it. I should find out next week. If you see a post that starts with this kind of picture:

start celebrating.

But if it starts like this?

Look the for the PayPal donation button.

And please click it.

Books and Limericks

There was a sweet girl of Decatur

Who went to sea on a freighter.

She was screwed by the master

-An utter disaster-

But the crew all made up for it later.

-Isaac Asimov

My Dad and I were discussing one of the funniest books we have ever read last night. That book is this:
By this man:

The book, is quite frankly hilarious. Filled with totally innappropriate limericks about sex. What's not to like?  But talking about books got me to thinking. And since this is my last post before the weekend, I figure I will post my top 5 favorite books(or trilogies) of all time, and see if anyone else on here either agrees, or reads them and realizes my reading choices have changed their lives forever.

1. My Side of the Mountain
  - Jean Craighead George

This book is a must read for any boy who likes the outdoors. Even if you don't like the outdoors, you will like it after this book. I read my copy of this book so many times, my mother had to cover it in clear contact paper to hold it together. This is far and away my favorite book of all time, and one the I will read every chance i can get. It is a short read, only about 200 pages, and it is the adventures of a yojng boy who runs away from the big city to live in the Catskill mountains in New York. Sam Gribley meets many ecclectic characters aling the way, Bando, an English teacher who camps on his mountain. Baron Weasel, a contentious but friendly neighbor. And Frightful, Sam's faithful peregrine falcon. A must read for any young boy, or anyone who feels young at heart.

2. Starship Troopers
  -Robert Heinlein

This is the greatest book about war with no fighting that I have ever read. Do not let the terrible movie by Paul Veerhoven sully your image of this book. Heinlein artfully crafted a book, that while about war, detailed the mindset of a soldier in the army, and also detailed the dangers of living in a fascist society. Heinlein has a style of writing few can match, and when you read this book, you'll see what I mean.

3. The Foundation Trilogy
  -Isaac Asimov

This trilogy is the story of the collapse and rise of a galaxy wide empire. The story is far too vast for me to get into the nitty gritty of what it is about, but suffice to say, Asimov shows why he is the undisputed king of science fiction in this novel. As humanity battles to save itself from 30,000 years of chaos, The Foundation struggles to turn back the tide of barbarism, and waits for the 2nd foundation to come to their aid. But no one could forsee the Mule. A must read if you like clever books with political intrigue. And this book is broken down into easily readable sections that detail each generation's fight to stop the chaos, which makes it easy to read in pieces.

4. Shogun
    -James Clavell

Shogun is the story of a shipwrecked English pilot, Blackthorne, in Japan, and his adventures in love and war in 17th century Japan. At first captive, then advisior and soldier to Toranaga, he fights to keep his life and to return to England. But forces stronger than himself hold him in Japan, bringing him to a controversial position of power at one Japan's most tumultuos times. A great read for those who like adventure with a little love thrown in, the only downside to this book as a weekend read is it's length. But don't let that stop you, the book is worth every letter on the page.

5. All Quiet on the Western Front
  - Erich Marie Remarque

The greatest war novel of all time. Much like Starship Troopers, this novel deals with war by examining the psyche of a young soldier, and the rest of his squad, in the last years of World War I. Paul Bäumer gradually begins to accept war, death, everything as inevitable. The last few pages of the story are, in my opinion, the best ever written to end a novel. And the last page will have you breathing a sigh of relief. This is the only book I have ever read  where I was so emotionally invested in the main character, and as satisfied with the ending of the story. It ended the only way it could.

I hope you enjoy these books, I know I did. I have read a copy of very single one of these to destruction, and I am on my second copy of every book. No matter how many times I read them, I can still pick up these books any day, and read them with the same enjoyment as the first time.

The Greatest Movie Ever Made

By far the greatest movie ever made. Bar none. I have personally seen this movie well over 500 times. And it never ever ever ever gets old. It has everything a man could ever want or need in a movie. Planes. Explosions. Good looking women. More explosions. Classic insults. I can honestly say that Top Gun has had a larger effect on my life than every other movie I have ever seen, combined.

It started out when I was young. ABC was broadcasting Top Gun as its million dollar movie. My dad stayed up, and taped off of ABC all of the plane scenes for Top Gun. Then he somehow bleeped out all of the curses. For about ten years, this is all I knew of Top Gun. And it taught me an important lesson. Top Gun is the only movie where the plot is not important to the story.

Then I got Top Gun on dvd. Of course the special edition. Is there any other edition? And it introduced me to the story. Which is of course awesome. And it also introduced me to the many insults Top Gun has to offer. They are beautiful. Wit at its most potent.
"Slider, (sniff sniff), you stink."
"Don't sweat it Mav, they were abused as children."
"Come on mother goose!!"

Then I got to college. And I met Dave Denny. He had the single greatest Top Gun innovation I had seen in years. When one went to sit down upon the commode, looking at you on the wall across from the porcelain throne was this:

This way, when you were sitting on the, ahem, you always had a little bit of encouragement. And you know what? It always made me smile. Here is the one and only decorating tip I will ever give someone. If you think your bathroom is missing a little something, maybe needs a little pick me up? Toss Maverick in there, He'll fix it right up.

Now movies have tried to equal Top Gun. They have tried to come close. But they can't touch it. No one ever will. This movie is pure 100% America. 100% testosterone. 100% awesome. How many movies are 300% cool? None. Except for Top Gun.

Will this be my only Top Gun post? Negative Ghostrider. But it is my only Top Gun post today. And I'll end it the only way I know how. With some F-14 Tomcat goodness.

Heartbreak

I've now experienced my first true heartbreak. The first time i saw her, I  knew it was love. A redhead with a lot of fire in her belly. Ready for life's great adventures. Anything that happened, we would make it through it togerther. But then last night happened.

 It is the first time I've been abandoned. The first time I've been left alone, standing in the rain, wondering why would she do such a thing? I mean sure, we can go back and look and things i shouldn't have done. But I treated her well. I loved her. She was my first love. And she has broken my heart one too many times.


Damn car wouldn't start. Wouldn't even turn over. And she left me stuck in the Target(trademarked) parking lot, wondering why she would do such a thing.

This was me. Except I'm a 6'6" guy. and it wasn't raining this hard. And it was in a parking lot. And it was a red Pontiac Grand Am(trademarked) not a red Geo Metro(trademarked). But you get the idea.

But alas, my time for wondering is over. She did what she did. She can't undo it now. Sure she has a lot of mileage under her belts(133,495 miles to be precise). But she is a good old girl. I learned to drive in her. I drove to Penn State for the first time in her. I drove to my first real job interview in her.

We've made a lot of great memories together. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm not ready to let go yet. So please don't cost to much. Park Auto are a great bunch of guys, they always treat you well. I know you can pull through this! I have faith in you!

We'll be flying down the turnpike yet, sunroof open, my hair(even if i do have a buzzcut) flapping in the wind, And if you don't make it? If it is too much?

Thanks for the memories, you're the best redhead I've ever known.